I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
