too bad you live with your parents still
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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