God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
