he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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