All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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