why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
