I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
