apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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