Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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