im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
