"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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