I'm laying in your front yard are you home
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
