Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
