no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
