Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
