Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
