My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My ATM looks so different sober.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
