Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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