last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
