I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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