im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
