I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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