i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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