The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
