Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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