bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
