Jerry, you need to find god
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
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I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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