Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
