I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
