Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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