It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
