i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Even my vagina gasped.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
