Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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