Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
