"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think I died a long time ago.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Are we still banned from the library?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
