I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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