Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
