i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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