Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
And then my night got REAL pukey
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
