it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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