i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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