There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
