things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Randomize
