I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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