Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
