Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
