Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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