What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
