It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
