I wish I could teleport
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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