You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize