My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He passed out mid-signature
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
