I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i now understand why vodka
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
