A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
This girl is more easily done than said...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
