This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
