White coat. Heels.
4 words: hood of his car
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
