I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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