did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
