i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
