Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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