i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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