i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
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