I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
