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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
