every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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